What Birth Taught Me

There is something I learned through the birth of my son, that I didn’t recognize until a week before his third birthday. It’s something that changed me, that healed me, and that empowered me, yet I didn’t fully understand it until watching Midwife- the documentary. One of the birth stories shared was a VBAC2 . The woman in this story was strong. She had two cesareans and was working for an out of hospital vaginal birth with a midwife. I was her biggest cheerleader as I sat in the theater with my hands over my mouth holding my breath. She worked hard as she was supported by her husband and birth attendants. And then she did it! She had her VBAC and I cried (of course). Later in the film the midwife returned to the VBAC2 momma for a post partum visit. The mother became her own cheerleader for a moment as she exclaimed, “A baby came out of my vagina!” and high-fived her husband. Again, tears. This woman realized that her body wasn’t broken and, watching her celebrate, I realized that these last three years I have been living out of the joy of having discovered, without knowing it, that neither was mine.

After three miscarriages, I was a bit mad at my body. Why couldn’t it do what it was supposed to? Why did it fail me, and my family, time and time again? I had so many questions and I may never know the answers to those questions. But... the day my body opened up and pushed out our baby boy, after doing a great job keeping him safe and growing him for all those months, I forgave it. I forgave my body and I appreciated it. My body is not broken; it is amazing. And so is yours. And that is what birth taught me.
 

best. moment. ever.

 

three years later

-Michelle G

Why I'm Improving Birth

My first birth was great.  I had the midwife-assisted-unmedicated-hospital birth I had hoped and planned for.  My son was 10.6 pounds.  He nursed easily.  We asked to be discharged less than 24 hours after he was born and our request was honored.  We felt respected and cared for.   I didn't experience postpartum depression, post-traumatic-stress-disorder, or even the blues.  All was well.

When my son was 7-months-old I became a doula.  When he was 1-year-old I went back to school, already having a master’s degree, to work towards my doctorate.  I had been working in the mental health field as a therapist and was passionate about the primal period (pregnancy, birth, and the first 3-years of life).  When I had to define my area of emphasis in graduate school it was clear to me that focusing in this area made the most sense. 

The first study I conducted was a qualitative study exploring maternal experiences with pregnancy and birth.  Some of the statements really stood out to me.  Many women shared a similar response when I would ask them why something occurred during their births or why they did what they did. They would say, “I don’t know, it’s just what you do.”  This left me puzzled.  How could so many report such a lack of information and understanding about what had happened to them, their bodies, and their babies during their pregnancy and birth experiences?  So I set out to find the answer to this question: how did “just what you do” become well, just what you do.  Basically, I started to explore the history of birth in our country.  How did we get here?  My research in this area and the implications on modern-day families became the focus of my dissertation project. 

It was because of my research, the science, that I decided that if I was experiencing a healthy pregnancy (meaning I was low risk) home birth was the option I would chose for any future births I would have.  I was 12 weeks pregnant with my second child when I successfully defended that dissertation and earned my doctorate.  About 6 months later I had another great birth experience.  I had the midwife-assisted-unmedicated-home-birth I had hoped and planned for.  My 2^nd son was a 9.2 pounder.  He nursed easily.  We felt respected and cared for. I didn't experience postpartum depression, post-traumatic-stress-disorder, or even the blues.  All was well.

I feel it is important for me to communicate that I did not come to this movement because I was hurt.  I’m not angry.  I’m not seeking some redemption from a bad experience. 

I am here because I know the truth about how we got here.  And I know what it means for moms and babies that we are here.  I am here because I know that if we stay on this current course things are not going to get better, they are going to get worse, much worse.  Most of all I am here because everyone deserves to have experiences like I had.  No, not because I think I did it “right” or that everyone should make the same decisions I did.  No, not because I think I’m better than anyone, but because EVERYONE – EVERYONE – deserves to feel respected and cared for during their births.  And when I say everyone I mean the mother, the partner, the baby – everyone.  The truth is my experiences are the exception not the rule and that is not okay with me. 

I am here, a part of this movement to improve birth, because I know that it’s not too late.  I am here because I know that it wasn't long ago that we veered off course, and I believe that it’s not too late to STOP, backpedal, and get back on track.  I am here because just one woman saying that she felt  disrespected, silenced, or worse assaulted is one woman too many.  I am here now because I know that one person can make a difference.  I am here because I know that my voice matters.  Most of all I am here now because I know that we can do better, but only if we demand better.  I am here to demand better. 

I am improving birth because I know the truth and I know that we need change now.  

Photo by the amazing Andrea Shandri of Blessings Photo and Birth

~ Mandi Hardy Hillman

Unite

"Where there is unity there is always victory." 

- Publillius Syrus

• Did you have a rock star birth? 
• Did you feel strong, capable, confident, and empowered? 
• Did you feel afraid and alone? 
• Did you feel supported? 
• Did you feel tricked, manipulated, or coerced? 
• Did you feel that you and your baby were at the center of the birth experience? 
• Did you feel that you were the key decision-maker? 
• Did you feel you were given information about the risks and benefits of doing or not doing something? 
• Did you feel happy?
• Did you feel sad? 
• Did you feel loved? 
• Did you circumcise your son? 
• Did you leave your son intact? 
• Do you think birth is “no big deal?” 
• Do you think birth is more than just one day? 
• Did you have to fight to have the birth you desired, with the provider you chose, in the location you wanted? 
• Did you breastfeed with ease? 
• Did you choose to bottle-feed? 
• Did you plan for an induction? 
• Did you carry past 42 weeks? 
• Did you schedule your cesarean? 
• Did you have a VBAC? 
• Did you have a TOLAC turned repeat cesarean? 
• Did you think long and hard about who your care providers were going to be? 
• Did you choose a care provider because that is who your insurance would cover? 
• Are you a provider who feels overworked and underpaid trying to provide respectful evidence-based care? 

Did you answer yes to any of the above questions? Welcome. You are welcome here. You are wanted here. Whatever your story, whoever you are, whatever your reason; we are glad that you’re here. We firmly believe there is not one-size-fits all birth experience. In fact, we believe that the one-size-fits all attitude is how we got into this crazy messed up maternity care crisis in the first place.  We are not here to tell you what you should do. And most of all we are NOT here to judge you for the choices you made - ever.  We are here to support, love, and appreciate you for who you are and for the experiences you've had. You are welcome here. Your path and your journey is your own. We appreciate and honor you. Mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, neighbor, friend. We believe that if we are going to impact maternity care in this state (and beyond) we must stand together. If you're here I bet we can agree on this: moms and babies deserve better!  That's our common ground folks - let's stand there. We must unify and not divide. We cannot walk alone. We are stronger together.

There is a lot of talk these days about "the mommy wars."  And although it's a bit cliche (okay, major cliche) I firmly believe that we can "all get along." We MUST, get past the notion of a war between women.  When we share information about experiences and about what our science is telling us about birth and the primal period in life we are NOT judging you.  Yes, how you give birth matters, for a multitude of reasons.  Each of those reasons is as varied, just like the woman giving birth.  However, know this: how you give birth does not equate with how  you love.  Never.  Those are two different things.  Often women feel that they are being judged or that their birth experiences (and their parenting choices) equate with how they love their children.  All to often I'll hear a woman say, "but I'm not a bad mom because...."  We're not talking about good or bad mothers here folks.  We promise.  This is a soul thing, mothering.  Our feelings about being a "good enough" mother lie deep within us.  These feelings about mothering reach to the very depths our being to places we didn't know existed.  It's easy to see, and feel, how we might connect our experiences with our loving and our "good enough" status.  Because these feel to us to be so deeply interwoven that we often struggle to separate them.  However, please know we do not believe them to be the same.

Here's the big questions I'm left with:  Can we change the world without offending someone?  Can we remove all value-laden and judgemental language and still have honest, necessary, and very real conversations about the state of things?  I'd like to think so, but I'm an eternal optimist.  My job here, at Iowa Birth Organization and on this journey through life, is to love you.  Not to judge you.  I'm not doing what I am doing here because I think any one of your was right, wrong, good, or bad in what you did when you gave birth to your babies.  I'm here because I think our system, our culture, needs to change in how we treat women during their transition to motherhood.  I think we are way off course and as a result we are all caught in the current (and may not even know it).  When we say, "we can do better!" we don't mean that you were wrong.  Nope.  We mean that our culture CAN provide equal access to respectful evidenced-based maternity care.  And will provide that if we (the consumers) require it of them.  That's what we're after here.  That's what we want to change - the culture - not you! We think you're great.

We are not here to judge you friends.  We are not at war with you.  That is misguided and unproductive.  There is no mommy war here.  There is a great big love-in happening.  We can do better.  We can love more and judge less and then love some more.  We can provide support through our listening.  We can provide education about evidence-based care.  We can stand up for those who have no access to this type care.  We can unite to make the world a better place for our mamas, their babies, their families (partners we don't forget about you in all of this), and our culture!

It is my greatest hope that every child will come to this earth, and their first breaths be that of love, joy, and peace.

Dear mommy friends, let's not fight.   I am not at war with you and I never will be - that is my commitment to you.  

In love and peace,
Mandi Hardy Hillman

Why a rally?

“Rally for change, huh?” 

Perhaps you’ve heard something similar, a bit of confusion about what this rally is really all about and what it is intended to accomplish. 

“What kind of change?” “How are you going to know if makes a difference?”

The Improving Birth Labor Day Rally is a symbol. It’s a national (global) display of unity.  It’s a moment in time when we all stand together to show that although sometimes we feel like we are few (in our communities) we truly are many.  There are many who know how important the issue of how we conduct birth in our country is.  There are many who want to see this change.  There are many who know that we can do so much better. 

The rally is also much more than this symbol.  I know, this symbolic gesture is still a little ambiguous for some folks.  I know they might appreciate it, but they want a more concrete explanation about what the rally is really for.  “What’s the point?”

It’s a rally.  Simply put.   Just like the high school homecoming football game pep rally or the rally cry for battle.  It is simply that – a rally.  It is a gathering of community for a single purpose – to put their energy towards the mission ahead.  The game.  The battle.  The rally is NOT the game, it’s the build-up to the game.  A rally is a time to feel the energy of the community surging toward the same vision – winning. 

We recognize that “the game” is different in every community.  They global rally is a stage to come together on the issues that we are all collectively battling.   It’s a time to unify and build relationships and networks; to harness the energy of all those collective supporters.  The point is to use this energy to go forward in your communities and play the game!  The rally is not the game.

I am improving birth because…I believe that:

• ·         Just one woman reporting that she felt: manipulated, taken advantage of, or disrespected
• ·         Just one baby who is unnecessarily isolated from the mother and family for the first moments of life
• ·         Just one mother’s partner who feels the least important member of the birth
• ·         Just one doctor or nurse who feels that outdated policies are hindering their ability to provide evidence-based care

Is one too many.

I am joining a rally in my local community because I believe that respect, humanity, and evidence-based care should be the norm, not the exception when it comes to childbirth. 

I am rallying to improve birth because change for tomorrow starts with me today.  Let your voice be heard.  Rally!

~ Mandi Hardy Hillman

Random Acts of Kindness Anniversary

It's been 1-year since we launched Iowa Birth Organization (formerly, Iowa Birth Activists)!  We've gotten a lot accomplished in year one and we've got a lot more to do too.  I am certain that on our 5th anniversary we'll have so much to celebrate, but for year one we're happy that we're still kickin'!

I've been thinking for awhile about how best to celebrate our 1-year anniversary.  We thought about a give-a-way, but we've got no money for that (ha! we are grassroots remember).  We thought about ways to drive new visitor to our pages (FB, Blog, and website), but that felt a bit too self-serving (although, then again we are grassroots!). Then a random act of kindness happened and changed my whole perspective.

On Sunday July 14th a Des Moines woman posted a photo of a receipt from a local restaurant, in which the server has purchased one of her pizzas and thanked her for breastfeeding.   Another friend had shared the image and I quickly thought that it was a great "story" to share with the Iowa Birth community.  I asked to post it to our page, and the woman said she'd love to have it shared.  Within just a few hours the photo/story had hundreds of likes and shares.  Within 48 hours over 1000 likes and nearly 300 shares.  Our facebook page also got over 50 new "fans."  I'm not sure what counts as something being viral, but for our little grassroots group that was viral! 

It was a beautiful story about kindness and support 

- women supporting women - 

not just about breastfeeding and pizza.

In honor of that act of kindness that got so much attention we are launching a Random Acts of Kindness Anniversary Party.   Everyone is invited!  For the remainder of July find [daily] ways to engage in this type of activism in your community.  As you go about "partying" with us, share your story. Think of all the ways we can build each other up, and remember how simple it is to be kind.

 There is no better way that I can think of to mark our anniversary than to make others feel loved and supported.  

Let's pay it forward Iowa! 

Full Disclosure

In an effort to keep Iowa Birth Activists as transparent as possible I wanted to share with you all that I have been asked to serve of the board for Improving Birth.  This is an extremely flattering and exciting opportunity for me and, as such, I have accepted.  Improving Birth is up to some big exciting stuff and I'm thrilled to be asked to join them for the next year!

Improving Birth is the organization who coordinated a national rally on Labor Day last year and IBA hosted the one and only Iowa location.  Improving Birth provided amazing resources, which enabled us to be able to host our  rally.  As many of you know that rally was also IBA's kick-off party, so we're grateful   The rallies across the country were a great success and drew lots of attention (at a national level) to birth issues.  Needless to say, I'm a fan of what they're doing.

Giving a spiel at the capitol on Labor Day 

So, why am I posting this?  No, it's not to brag - really.  I'm sharing this with you to 1) encourage you, my Iowa Birth Activist allies, to host a rally in your community this year and 2) invite someone else (or several someone's) to step up and host the Central Iowa rally.  Certainly, I will do and I am willing, but this is a great way for anyone to come out and play!

~Mandi Hardy Hillman

Show some love

“You see, LOVE IS STRONG. Stronger than hate even. Love is the only thing that can kill hate, nothing else. You see, hate destroys and that's why love is stronger. It builds." 

- Peter Abrhams

Well, it's time to come out of hibernation and it's time to do it in a big love-dovey way! I know there has been limited exteranal activity from IBA since October, but we have still been dreaming, thinking, and planning many ways to change the culture of birth in our state (and beyond) during our quiter moments. 

Here's the plan. We need to see the legalization of Certified Professional Midwives (CPM) in this state.  Period.  Factoid: did you know that Ina May Gaskin (CPM) was born in Iowa and that Robin Lim (CPM) is a registred voter in the state?  Both of these national (and internationally) renowned midwives could face a felony if they were to come to their "home" state and practice their trade - midwifery.   This has to change. For mothers, for babies, for Iowa.  

It is my firm believe that the passing of this legistation (legalization of CPM's) could open the floodgates for change in other areas of birth in our state (and elsewhere).   Currently CPM's are legal in 27 states.  For the past several years Friends of Iowa Midwives (FOIM) have been spearheading the political campaign to see the passage of a bill, which they wrote, which would leagalize midwives.  Last year they were able to raise enough funds to pay to have a full-time lobbyist at the Capitol (Megan Day Suhr).   The bill was extremely close to being approved when a last minute change essentially "killed the bill" and FOIM had to pull it.   Another way we know how much of an impact the bill was making was because there was more oppostion.  Suddenly several organizations came to the table (with big budgets) to voice their opinions against the bill.*

Friends of Iowa Midwives is not currently active (they are in indefiente hibernation).  FOIM and Iowa Birth Activists are friends!  FOIM knows what we are doing in supporting the cause, which they had initated.   Right now it is highly unlikely that the bill will even be brought to the table this year.  So why all this talk then? 

Because we need to show our state legislators (and the organizations who opposed the bill) that we do not scare that easily.  We may fall down, but we get back up.  That although it might not happen again this year, we are not going anywhere.  We are growing in numbers and we will not be silent when it comes to issues of injustice.  

So what am I asking you to do?  Send an email.  That's all (for starters).  Email your representative on Valentine's day (Thursday Feb. 14th) and tell them that you LOVE MIDWIVES.  Let them know that you support the passage of this bill (you can refer to it as "the midwife bill") and why you support it.  Did you use a midwife, wanted to use one and had no access, or simply know that the evidence supports midwives as competent and capable birth attendents for low-risk women.   It doesn't need to be long, elaborate, or super detailed.  It just needs to be done. The legislators MUST here from us - from Iowa - from their constituants.   So tell a friend, tell your partner, tell anyone to write.  A simple email.  You can find your senator and representative's contact info here.

We will all send our emails on Valentine's Day with the

subject heading: I LOVE MIDWIVES

Midwives aren't "your thing," not "your issue?"  That's okay.  The intention of Iowa Birth Activists is to unite people and see the big picture together. Whatever is your thing, we care about that too!  We hope that you'll recognize the impact addressing this big picture issue will have on promoting good outcomes for moms, babies, and families and that you'll join us in our efforts. We also hope that you will see that when it comes to change everything is connected.

*These statements are my best, simplest, non-politically phrased understanding of the situation. 

~ Mandi Hardy Hillman